Motherhood : Wisdom

Motherhood is never a finite task. Sure, my kids have almost finished their tertiary education, thankfully not ready to fly the coop, irrespective of mom rages. August saw the introduction of another young man to the fold. Smart, streetwise, way too handsome. Somewhat cocky and full of false bravado but beneath all of that bluff, a sensitive, some-what old soul, sixteen year old.

My Nephew. He opted to stay with me, his reasons, I agreed with. Unfortunately, he has to return home, a decision out of both of our hands sadly.

His Aunt wears many hats, wife, mother, chauffeur et al;  always quick to impart advice in life’s remembered lessons.  Loads of humour in the Ramlal household and raised eyebrows, no rolling eyes and smiles as she runs through the children’s names whilst addressing the cats.  Yes, its been a bit overwhelming of late due to work pressures hence the absence from my blog.

Three children later, my nephew included, has learned that his aunt is accommodating, and in a short space of time, hopefully, helped raise a young man into independence and self-sufficiency. Why? There has been something about Indian mothers, mine especially, that we love and hate too, their need to love too much which borders on smothering.  Mothering need not be smothering. My intention is to raise men capable of looking after themselves as well as coping with domestic chores and being a credit to their wives and families.

…and if my threesome chances upon this post, know that these words are shared in the spirit of love.

A foray into social media provided this piece of wisdom that I had to share, for mothers and families worldwide. In all of our differences, we are “same to same” (a phrase I learned during my India travels). There is a little of this in all of us.

My mom had a lot of problems. She did not sleep and she felt exhausted. She was irritable, grumpy, and bitter. She was always sick, until one day, suddenly, she changed. The situation was the same, but she was different.

One day my dad said to her:
I’ve been looking for a job for three months and I haven’t found anything, I’m going to have a few beers with friends.

My mom replied:
It’s okay.

My brother said to her:
Mom, I’m doing poorly in all subjects at the University …

My mom replied:
Okay, you will recover, and if you don’t, well, you repeat the semester, but you pay the tuition.

My sister said to her:
Mom, I hit the car.

My mom replied:
Okay daughter, take it to the workshop, find how to pay and while they fix it, get around by bus or subway.

Her daughter-in-law said to her:
Mother-in-law, I come to spend a few months with you.

My mom replied:
Okay, settle in the living room couch and look for some blankets in the closet.

All of us at my mom’s house gathered worried to see these reactions. We suspected that she had gone to the doctor and that she was prescribe some pills of “I don’t give a damn about 1000 mg.”

She would probably also be ingesting an overdose. We then proposed to do an “intervention” to my mother to remove her from any possible addiction she had towards some anti-tantrum medication. But what was not the surprise, when we all gathered around her and my mom explained:

“It took me a long time to realize that each person is responsible for their life, it took me years to discover that my anguish, my mortification, my depression, my courage, my insomnia and my stress, did not solve their problems but aggravated mine.

I am not responsible for the actions of others, but I am responsible for the reactions I express to that. Therefore, I came to the conclusion that my duty to myself is to remain calm and let each one solve what corresponds to them.

I have taken courses in yoga, meditation, miracles, human development, mental hygiene, vibration and neurolinguistic programming, and in all of them, I found a common denominator: finally they all lead to the same point.

And, it is that I can only interfere with myself, you have all the necessary resources to solve your own lives. I can only give you my advice if you ask me and it depends on you to follow it or not.

So, from now on, I cease to be: the receptacle of your responsibilities, the sack of your guilt, the laundress of your remorse, the advocate of your faults, the wall of your lamentations, the depositary of your duties, who should solve your problems or spare a tire every time to fulfill your responsibilities. From now on, I declare all independent and self-sufficient adults.”

Everyone at my mom’s house was speechless.

From that day on, the family began to function better, because everyone in the house knows exactly what it is that they need to do.

Source : Facebook
Repost: Sandra Gaskill to the Sistas Group (Support and Motivation)

On a lighter note, finally for my husband…

17 thoughts on “Motherhood : Wisdom

  1. Great post, Kavitha! When we migrated to the USA and my sons started to work and contribute to our family budget, I had to let go of control over their lives. It continues to be tough watching them deal with the consequences of their not-so-good decisions. I’m not always able to remain calm, but I’m doing my best.

    Liked by 2 people

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